As a Warder team leader at Hampton Court Palace, it was not uncommon to be asked, usually at short notice, to give tours to VIPs. Royalty, senior figures from the military, religious, diplomatic and political worlds from many countries, and of course stars from the world of entertainment from both sides of the Pond. Doing tours for folk who often have their own security, an entourage of flunkies, and who are more used to being listened to than listening, can be a challenge to say the least. They can also be interesting to do. Some of my most (and least) favourite tours have been VIP ones.
It would be indiscreet to discuss the foibles and idiosyncrasies of guests here on the internet, whatever their status, and no matter how entertaining they might be. However, this reticence does not apply to one of my favourite guests ever, the late, great Joan Rivers, who was sadly taken from us in 2014.
In the winter of 2009/10, our office received a request. A very senior person in the company that provided catering for the palace was bringing his partner and their friend on a visit and had asked if we might provide someone to give them an informal tour. The friend in question was Joan Rivers. Asked if I would like to do the tour, in a heartbeat, I said yes.
Having agreed to do it, little icy trickles of doubt started to run through my brain. I knew Joan River’s work and reputation. She was a formidable woman, as sharp as broken glass and not one to suffer fools gladly, or indeed, at all. I knew in my bones that this tour was going to be memorable, one way or another. One thing it was not going to be was dull.
The tour was on a windy grey afternoon, bitterly cold. When I met the party and started out on the West Front it wasn’t just the weather making me shiver just a little. Within minutes of meeting the group my worries had melted away. Joan’s diminutive frame was well wrapped up in black fur. She looked for all the world as if she’d stolen a guardsman’s bearskin and was wearing it as a coat. She was one of those celebrities who are just the same off screen as on. The direct, witty, catty, often over the top personality Joan displayed on camera was no different to the way she was that cold afternoon in a very quiet Hampton Court Palace.
It was a mild surprise and a great relief when she listened to the tour. It’s not unusual for performers (and politicians) to do as much talking as the tour guide. She showed a lively interest in the palace and its stories, especially Henry VIII and his infamous serial monogamy. She also showed informed appreciation of the gorgeous architecture and art on the walls. Her questions were inciteful; and showed that she understood something that many folk seem not to grasp, that our Tudor ancestors were real people too, not two-dimensional caricatures.
Having gone through the Tudor Kitchens and State Apartments we moved on to William III’s Apartments. Here too, Joan was at home amidst the baroque splendours and stories of scandal. The day was starting to draw to a close as we went down into William’s smaller, private rooms beneath the grand state rooms.
At this time, the palace had daily live costumed interpretation, re-telling the story of Henry VIII’s last marriage, which happened at Hampton Court in 1543. The chap portraying Henry on this particular day was Mr Tony Harris, no mean performer and comedian in his own right. He had seen us across a courtyard and, being a great fan of Joan Rivers, came to find us as soon as his last performance of the day had ended, still in the glorious white and gold outfit of the king. And so it was, in William III’s private rooms, that Henry VIII came face to face with Joan Rivers. Looming over her, he gave her a stately bow and said “Madam! Can we talk?”
Joan was delighted with the encounter and after some chat we went out to the East Front to try to find a little light and space for a photo.
The last thing was a visit to the shop. Joan bought a couple of books on Tudor history, but her eyes really lit up when she saw a collection of embroidered figures of Henry VIII and his six wives. In her gravelly Brooklyn voice, she exclaimed loudly “Oh look! All Henry VIII’s bitches! I gotta have ‘em!”
I have done many memorable things in my time at the palace, and a good many things of which I am very proud, but I count myself truly blessed to have had the opportunity to meet and help to give an afternoon’s entertainment to Joan Rivers, a giant figure in the world of showbiz, a true trailblazer and a comedy legend.
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